(sips on coffee enjoying the silence) Kaylee on bus and now its some ME time. There is so much to do, but here I sit...on my ass....could be cleaning, could be organizing, could be grocery shopping or could have my fat ass on the treadmill!! hahaha I am not in the mood for any of it just yet. I am just enjoying the peace and quiet of me time. Was going to try and get in some play time on my game, but servers are down for maintenance...grrr (for those that dont know, I am an avid online gamer..hehe Its my escape from this reality) So since I can waste MY time running around killing things and talking to people from other countries and states I sit here to ramble and possibly rant and whine or give a chuckle. All that depends on how you take what a write =) See I say ramblings because boy can I ramble and run my mouth for days on here. Its so easy to just voice you opinion out into cyber land and not have to worry about instant disapproval or gratification.

I thought more about making some of my rantings about my feelings and thoughts and misguided emotions over Kaylee's biological father(lets call him the sperm donor!!) and I decided I will...I mean itsnt it good to get out these kinda things. To not let me build up inside and keep me warm with hate at night....LOL I have enough stress in my life right now with being a single mom and having to worry about providing for my daughter than to have to worry about whether or not I keep my feelings bottled up and be the good person who doesnt voice her opinion...guess what THATS NOT ME!!! Why should I be the one to keep my mouth shut. The one to suck it up and pretend it didnt happen. The one to just grin and bare it. It isnt good for your health I dont think. See this goes farther than just Kaylee's sperm donor, it goes beyond that and gets really personal and close to my heart. Family...I have the most awesome family...I really do, but things these days are shaken up by a family member and it has gotten beyond out of control. And yet again I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!! I have feelings dammit!! I respect my family so I keep my mouth shut...does it stop the other parties from voicing their never ending opinion of me and their dislike? NO!!! But I do it...I sit back and try to let it all slide by, but this time it isnt working...my insides are SCREAMING!!!! How can people just give in and give them their way? How come "we" have to be the ones to bend to them? Are they giving us any reason to try? NO!! Do they ever say "Im sorry" or "thank you"? NO!! They complain and bitch and yell and write lies about you!! They drag you down with every word that comes out of their mouth and yet you bend to them thinking it will help...has it??? I think not!! Will it??? One can only hope...but from passed tries and plans nothing has helped..in fact it made some things worse. Yes I am bitter...yes I am sarcastic...yes I am MAD AS HELL!!! But do I get to really express that and tell them how I feel...NO!!

I just realized something...OMG...I have had this crink in my neck (whatever you call it) It comes and goes....and I just realized it gets cranky when I start venting and thinking of all the shit that is going on in my life right now....STRESS!
Makes perfect sense....Ok so with that I will stop here and do some time on the treadmill to sweat it out and wear my ass out....exercise is good for stress they say....LOL Where's Jillian when you need her???

smooches!!